When you are providing care for an elderly person who has dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, they may say hurtful things, make cruel remarks, or accuse you of terrible (but false) things. Although hearing it is heartbreaking, the most crucial thing to keep in mind is that their disease is what is causing the behavior.
It’s challenging to try to keep that in mind and ignore the hurtful words, though, when they’re yelling or making untrue accusations.
We offer 8 practical suggestions to help you control this cruel dementia behavior and lessen the stress and resentment it generates.
Why Does Someone With Dementia Says Mean Things?
It’s crucial to first comprehend the cause of this hurtful behavior.
Cognitive impairment is a side effect of dementia, a brain condition that causes certain brain regions to shrink and stop functioning.
Memory, personality, behavior, and speech are all controlled by these various parts. Because of the impairment of impulse control brought on by dementia, unintentional behavior results.
Even though it’s difficult, do your best to remember that they truly don’t intend the mean things they say.
When someone can’t express what’s really bothering them, mean remarks and hurtful accusations frequently result.
It might be set off by something in their environment that makes them feel uneasy, hurt, afraid, anxious, helpless, confused, or frustrated.
Working to accept the fact that they are not doing this on purpose eases stress and makes it simpler to control their behavior.
The general approach is to take a deep breath, remind yourself that it’s not personal, deal with any discomfort or fear that arises immediately, and then look for the reason(s) behind the behavior.
Next, look for long-term solutions that will enable you to get the assistance and rest you require to maintain your composure in trying circumstances like these.
How Dementia Changes Patients Thinking Skills?
Everyone acknowledges that people with dementia are frequently irrational. However, regardless of whether I’m speaking to families or professional caregivers, I hardly ever find anyone in the audience who understands that since dementia impairs our capacity for rational thought, expecting people to use those faculties and be reasonable or rational is equivalent to expecting someone who is blind or deaf to hear or see. Please think about this for a moment: if I’ve lost my ability to use reasoning, why would it be helpful to explain to me why Should I take action?
It is also rare that I find someone who understands that we all have two separate and complete thinking systems—and that only the secondary one (rational thinking) is lost to dementia.
Becoming Unable to Understand Why
The ability to perceive relationships between facts is necessary for understanding how, why, when, who, and what. That is lost to dementia. So if you try to explain to your loved one why they need to do something, or what went wrong, or how to do something, they will not be able to follow you and will end up embarrassed or concluding that you’re making fun of them. There will be anger or hurt feelings as a result. Stop explaining why as soon as you notice you are doing it. They can no longer perform the task you are asking them to. You’ll have pleasanter interactions once you build new conversational habits and turn your focus away from why to talking about things that are pleasant.
Becoming Unable to See Cause and Effect
It’s hard to imagine becoming unable to understand the principle of cause and effect—that if this happens that will happen. We have known all of our lives that if you hit someone, they will react, and if you step outside in the winter, you will feel cold even though you are warm inside. That ability is diminished by dementia. Therefore, don’t get frustrated if your loved one won’t put on a coat despite you pointing out the window where snow is falling. They aren’t trying to be challenging. It will irritate you both to expect them to comprehend and follow instructions. They can no longer do what you are asking them to. Simply accept that and, when you go outside, take their coat with you. Once they start to feel cold, they’ll be delighted to put it on.
Becoming Unable to Prioritize
Everyone finds this to be extremely frustrating. Dementia causes people to lose the ability to distinguish between the relative importance of various things. We lose the ability to understand the need for haste. We lose the ability to comprehend why attending doctor’s appointments is necessary or why delaying something we want to do right now because we don’t have time. So, if I’m watching my favorite TV show when you tell me it’s time to leave, I won’t understand why I should stop doing what I find enjoyable. And like the previous three rational thinking losses, if your loved one was capably using this skill last week and now overnight is being “difficult,” it’s because that skill just became unavailable to them. It won’t return no matter how much you explain it.
Becoming Unable to Follow Sequences
It becomes impossible to remember multiple things at once when you have dementia, especially when there are several steps to a task. Given my dementia, asking me to put on my shoes and socks will only lead to failure. You are setting us up for conflict if you ask me to take a shower and change into clean clothes. I’m likely to be mean to you if you keep telling me that we must first do this before doing that because I’ll think you’re being mean to me. To prevent embarrassment or a sense of being taken advantage of when we have dementia, we need to be given one task at a time. Therefore, only provide me with the very next instruction or direct me to complete one task at a time. When my socks are on, you can suggest shoes after asking me to do so (or helping me).
8 Tips to Reduce Mean Dementia Behavior
It can be difficult to care for a dementia patient who is abusive toward the family. You might feel as though the loving connection you once shared with that person has been lost.
Although there is no cure for progressive dementia, such as that caused by Alzheimer’s disease, it is possible to manage symptoms and keep a loving relationship.
Identifying Everyday Life Adjustments
For someone with dementia, what may come naturally or feel comforting to you may actually be a source of annoyance.
The director of the geriatrics division at Staten Island University Hospital, Dr. Donna Seminara, claims that for some people with dementia, mean-spirited behavior is frequently the only means of expressing frustration, as frequently observed in the context of taking a shower.
“What is often relaxing to most, having warm water trickle from head and face down the body, is often agitating to demented individuals who can’t control the flow of water,” she says. “This experience could be significantly less stressful for everyone if the patient was using a hand-held shower nozzle.”
Establishing a Stable Environment
According to Seminara, exposing a person with dementia to unfamiliar surroundings can backfire because fear, confusion, and memory loss can exacerbate agitation and anxiety.
You can foster a sense of familiarity and comfort that can quell meanness by maintaining the same routines and environments.
Calm the Situation Down
Reduce the tension in the space as soon as possible. Reduce distractions in the space by, for example, asking guests to leave or turning off the TV to begin with. And if you maintain your composure, they will probably do the same.
Counting to ten or even leaving the room for a short while to cool off might be helpful. Repeat to yourself “it’s the disease” as a reminder that they’re not intentionally doing this.
Comfort and Reassure
To reassure and comfort your elderly relative, take a deep breath, don’t argue, and speak in a soothing, calm tone. Using short, direct sentences and speaking slowly are also helpful.
Then, check for possible causes of agitation or fear, like:
- Pain or discomfort
- Signs of overstimulation
- Feeling disturbed by strange surroundings
- Being overwhelmed by complicated tasks
- Frustration because of the inability to communicate
Putting more emphasis on their feelings than their specific words or deeds is also beneficial. To determine the reason for their actions, look for the emotions that are driving them.
Keep Track of and Avoid Possible Triggers
Whenever challenging behavior occurs, note the details, the time, and the date in a special notebook. Additionally, consider the circumstances that existed right before the behavior began and note those events as potential triggers. Finding potential causes for the behavior is made easier when you have everything in one notebook.
Taking the Slow Approach
Someone with dementia may find sudden movements unsettling.
“Always approach the patient slowly and with a positive, smiling demeanor. Fast, sudden movements are startling to most dementia patients and can start a cascade of resistant speech and behavior,” says Seminara.
Check for a Urinary Tract Infection
The immune system of an elderly person can be severely taxed by a urinary tract infection (UTI). That may result in abrupt, unexplained behavioral changes like challenging behaviors, increased agitation, or being less responsive than usual.
Medication Strategies
Some of the behavioral symptoms associated with dementia may be better managed with medication.
Low dose lithium is an emerging dementia treatment option that could eventually close that gap. Lithium, a natural salt, has been linked to better mental health and a lower risk of dementia, according to Gadh.
At the moment, lithium is used to treat bipolar disorder, but specialists are now looking into whether it could benefit dementia.
Conclusion
Rarely is someone with dementia being cruel to family members who are trying to care for them because they have bad feelings for someone they love. Although there is no known treatment for progressive forms of dementia, caregivers who emphasize consistency, freedom of choice, and humane care may find that these approaches are effective.
How Long Does the Aggressive Stage of Dementia Last?
On average it lasts about one to two years.
Why Does Ice Cream Help With Dementia?
From the very first spoonful, ice cream has the ability to instantly induce soothing emotions. With each new scoop, it keeps the brain’s pleasure receptors active and eliminates all the negative emotions associated with the frustration.
