Your mother might seem more frightened now that she’s older. For some people, narcissistic characteristics may soften over time, but there is no assurance of this. Unfortunately, your mother’s narcissistic tendencies and behaviors will probably last the rest of her life. She’s not going to change all that much, but you can make helpful adjustments to make the relationship less damaging to you. This guide will teach you how to deal with a demanding aging parent without sacrificing yourself.
What Characterizes Narcissism
It’s helpful to define what narcissism looks like before diving into specific advice. If you have a narcissistic mother, you’ll notice many of the following behaviors and personality traits:
- The need for constant praise and attention
- A sense of entitlement in special treatment
- Manipulation and bullying for personal gain
- An inflated sense of self-importance
- Preoccupation with the belief that she is powerful, brilliant, or wildly successful in some way
- The exploitation of others with no shame or guilt
- Lack of empathy or compassion for others
- Lack of self-awareness
- Unstable and drama-filled relationships
- An arrogant attitude
Many people who live with narcissists may experience constant exhaustion after interacting with those who exhibit these behaviors. You might have found yourself feeling relieved after a particularly tense encounter with your mother vying for your attention.
It can also drain your energy, especially if you’ve had to indulge her whims or deal with the consequences of her bad behavior. These pointers can give you some ideas on how to guard against her actions.
What To Do If Your Mother Is A Narcissist
Accept Your Mother For Who She Is
Fundamental human needs include a sense of acceptance and belonging. Children thrive when they experience adult love and protection, especially from their parents. So when a narcissistic mother consistently puts her needs ahead of those of her child, the child may grow up feeling lost and undeserving of attention. A loving mother-child relationship is unattainable for everyone. If you can relate to this story, it might be time to face a challenging reality.
Making progress requires letting go. Your hopes for a good relationship with your mother are valid and entirely normal, but unfortunately, your mother is unable to fulfill them.
Develop Healthy Daily Habits
Building yourself up every day is one of the best coping mechanisms for a narcissistic mother. Although your mother and you don’t have an emotionally secure relationship, you can gradually lay the groundwork for one for yourself each day.
Participate in your neighborhood and lend a helping hand to others. By volunteering your time and effort for charitable causes or performing small acts of kindness for family, friends, and neighbors, you can develop your empathy. Take on a challenging task at work or pick up a new hobby.
You’ll learn how to adapt to difficult situations when you learn about and develop your sense of self-worth. Additionally, your susceptibility to your mother’s negative actions and words will be reduced.
Use Positive Coping Skills That Help You Feel Calm
Even though it may not manifest physically, emotional pain can cause long-lasting damage to your mind and heart. You might experience disorientation, self-doubt, and emotional preoccupation. Although emotions can feel intense, if you know how to control them, they pass more quickly.
It is predictable how you will respond to your mother’s language and actions. That’s good news because you can lessen the amount of stress they give you. Pay attention to your feelings and identify them whenever your mother does something upsetting.
Take Good Care Of Your Physical Health
Your physical well-being acts as the groundwork for your life. Your ability to manage emotional ups and downs is improved when your body is in good physical condition. You are aware of what it is like to feel fatigued or ill; you lose focus, become agitated, and snap more easily.
Because physical and mental health is interdependent, caring for your body can greatly improve your mental health. And if you need anything to deal with a narcissistic mother, it’s strong emotional fortitude.
Avoid The Hooks Of Manipulation
To get things done, your mother manipulates your emotions. You may have felt trapped or perplexed by this as a child. Because you were reliant on her for basic needs, it’s possible that you were unable to see the bigger picture when you were younger. You can take a step back now that you’re an adult and see the entire process. She can manipulate you, but you can spot the bait and stay away from it.
What Not To Do If Your Mother Is A Narcissist
If your mother is a narcissist, avoid these things:
Do Not Anticipate An Apology
Narcissists are unlikely to welcome constructive criticism. For their actions, they frequently offer defenses and justifications. Your mother might not view her actions or behavior as wrong or bad. She most likely believes that she, and not you, is the victim.
Don’t Try To Fix Or Heal Her
She will remain who she is no matter what. Many narcissists were abused and used by their narcissistic parents as children. She has no control over it, and she most likely won’t be able to recover from it. Developing empathy for her difficulties and realizing that what she does isn’t consciously done might be helpful.
Don’t Compare Her To Others
Try to have the best relationship you can with the mother you have. Consider times when the two of you shine. Do you both have a similar skill or passion? Try to bond on that.
Conclusions
You might need to limit the amount of time and attention you give her in order to protect yourself. Nobody benefits when you offer yourself as a human sacrifice. Mom will not notice or care if she is narcissistic. Nobody else will know how much providing care will cost you.
You are a grown woman who is making decisions as an adult based on reality; you are not a young girl seeking Mom’s approval. That possesses strength. Feel it!
You don’t have to join Mom in her downward spiral because of her negativity. You are under no obligation to comply with her advances, answer any questions you don’t want to answer, or sit through any lectures you’d rather not attend.
not the other way around—Mom needs you right now. Let that sink in.
It’s never too late to learn what underlies your mother’s difficult behavior, set boundaries, and move forward with your life.
It can be a hard patch for sure but you can use the challenge it presents to flex (or find) that empowerment muscle ( even if you didn’t know one was there). Even the worst times can serve to clarify.
