Most people are aware of the difficulty of the decision to choose to send a loved one to assisted living or a nursing home; however, few understand the ongoing concerns that come with making that decision. For most people, even just deciding when to visit and how long to visit can be a heavy choice, as the visit can stir up a variety of emotions for both parties involved.
According to your loved one’s needs and your own schedule, you should decide how frequently you visit. While once or twice a month may be manageable and sufficient for some families and situations, others may need less frequent or more frequent visits.
In either case, it’s critical to adhere to certain visiting rules to enjoy the most rewarding visits and preserve everyone’s feelings and emotions. Visitor advice is provided in this article.
How Often to Visit Parents in Nursing Home?
Gradual Reduction in Frequency
When your elderly mom or dad first moves into an assisted living or long-term care community, your natural instinct may be to visit daily or multiple times a week to aid with the transition, ensure they are well taken care of, and perhaps to alleviate your own feelings of guilt and worry. Although you mean well, your constant presence may actually hinder your parent’s ability to adapt and make new friends.
Know the Best Time
In order to quickly establish a routine, ask the staff for advice on the best visitation schedule and times of day. If other family members plan to visit regularly, work together to spread the visits evenly throughout the week or month. Take into account your loved one’s needs. If they love Wednesday night bingo, ask if they’d like you to join or if they’d rather have time to enjoy the company of other residents.
Consistency
The number of visits should depend on both the requirements of your loved one and your own schedule. For some families and circumstances, once or twice a month may be sufficient, but other families and situations may require less frequent or more frequent visits. Consistency is key so your loved one knows what to expect, and doesn’t feel disappointed when no one visits for extended periods or doesn’t get overwhelmed by multiple visits in a short time period.
Quality is More Important
Studies show quality of the visits matters more than frequency. Consistency is key; pay attention to your loved one when you are there. Put away your electronics, unless you’re sharing family photos or videos, and be present in the moment. Observe how your loved one is feeling emotionally. If they’re getting tired or agitated it may be time to say goodbye. For some, especially those with dementia, shorter visits may work better. Others, especially in assisted living, may enjoy less frequent but longer visits, so you may enjoy activities together.
Other Things Should Keep in Mind
- The visit should be simple. While it may seem fun to bring several things todo with your loved one or to have several people come during the visit, these elements can make the time overwhelming. Remember to keep it simple when you visit and to focus on the together time as moments of joy.
- Visits are most enjoyable in a calm, cozy setting. Find a place to visit that is uninhibited by distractions because the purpose of the visit is to spend time with your loved one. The loved one’s room, a porch, or even a chapel are possibilities.
- Be flexible. Depending on when you visit each time, your loved one may be participating in different tasks. Avoid being oppressive and be adaptable. Call ahead to find out the best time to visit if you are on a strict schedule.
- Focus on your loved one during the visit. Before you go, think about your loved one’s interests and what he or she might enjoy doing, but avoid making assumptions. Once you get there, find out how your loved one wants to spend their time with you and try to be flexible. Whether you are able to visit once a week, a couple of times a month, or a few times a year, make the times you do get to enjoy count.
Things You Need to Think About
Make Sure You Don’t Have Regrets When They’re Gone
If you feel confident that you will be happy with the frequency of your visit, you are likely on the right track. If not, take this opportunity to visit more frequently while you still have the chance.
Hold their hand and make sure to make plenty of eye contact when you’re there to show them how much you care. Limit your time on the phone or other distractions. Affirm your support for them by letting them know. Ask them questions – you may be surprised by all the new things you can still learn about your parent, despite all the years you’ve shared together.
Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself
You know the saying “Before loving someone else, can you love yourself first?” There’s truth to it in this situation as well. An elderly parent in a skilled nursing facility will benefit more from the support of a contented, happier child than from a child who is overworked, stressed, and plagued by guilt.
Keep in mind that quality rather than quantity matters more when it comes to your relationship with your parents. You might start to resent your parent if you are able to visit them every day but neglect your other relationships, employment, and interests. That isn’t beneficial to anyone and doesn’t bode well for your relationship down the road. These other facets of your life are equally crucial to consider as your parents’ needs. Make time for them.
Summary
By establishing the ideal visitation schedule and assisting you in maintaining contact in between visits, you and the staff at the senior nursing home should work together to keep your parent happy.
