Dealing with aging parents is no easy feat, especially when they begin to act uncharacteristically or irrationally. It can be excruciating to watch your parents make risky choices.
While it might be unsettling to observe such a sharp shift in their behavior, there are a number of things you can do to make sure they (and you) get the support they need. Keep reading for more advice on how to deal with irrational aging parents.
Ways To Deal With Irrational Elderly Parents
Be Persistent
Conversations can be greatly improved by being persistent and patient. Don’t enter the situation expecting everything to be resolved immediately. You’ll probably need to talk to your parents about your worries several times, so have patience.
The senior you care about may unnecessarily experience anxiety if you give them too much information in one conversation. Furthermore, if your loved one has dementia or another cognitive disorder, they might be unable to process too much information at once.
Avoid Power Struggles
Never push, nag, or berate your parents. Giving them deadlines will only make them rebel, and aggressive behavior such as shouting, arguing, slamming doors, etc. could significantly harm the relationship.
Making your loved one a part of every decision-making process will instead give them more power. Show them that you respect their opinions by validating their feelings.
Be Sensitive
Your parents may become defensive if they receive criticism or condemnation. It won’t work to tell Mom and Dad bluntly that they can’t handle their own lives. Instead, use “I” statements like “I’m feeling concerned because you look like you’re losing weight and I’m worried that you’re not eating enough.”
Know That Timing Is Everything
When everyone is drained or stressed out, productive discussions never take place. Make sure you choose to have difficult conversations with your parents on days when they’re not feeling anxious or depressed. That applies to you as well; refrain from speaking if you are feeling especially anxious because your stress will only increase your fear.
Stay Calm
Your parents might be aware that they are facing some new difficulties, so it might be safer for them to avoid talking about their future than to face reality. You can reassure them that change will be fine by expressing your worries calmly and with love and tenderness.
Do Not Blame Yourself
It’s simple for you to start placing the blame for your parents’ outbursts on yourself due to a particular trigger or other circumstance. It’s tempting to fall back into the pattern of thinking of “If I had done x, then y wouldn’t have happened” but this is unhealthy and unproductive.
Despite your best efforts, bad things may still happen despite your efforts to prevent them. Instead, focus your efforts on developing remedial strategies and learning from your errors.
Seek Advice From Others On The Same Boat
Do not be afraid to ask them for advice because there is a good chance that you know someone whose parents are experiencing the same thing. This can lessen your sense of isolation while also providing you with more ideas for solving typical problems using tried-and-true solutions.
As a result, you could even create a support group with them where you could exchange ideas and strategies for taking care of your elderly parents.
Understand Root Causes
If your parent frequently acts agitated or anxious, you should pay close attention to the underlying cause. Parents in their advanced age may express their anger or fear in various ways. You must deal with the underlying issue if you want to alter this behavior.
Perhaps your parents experience anxiety about getting older or pain from a medical condition they haven’t disclosed. Maybe they’re upset about losing their independence and sad about losing their close friends.
Treat Them Like Adults, Not Children
Your elderly parents are still adults even though they are losing their independence. It’s important to avoid treating them like children. First, it might be interpreted as being offensive or upsetting by your parents, which will have an impact on your relationship.
The cognitive abilities of your elderly parent are also very different from those of children, despite the fact that they may seem childlike to you. When parents have to deal with tantrums and other emotional outbursts, children are just learning how to think rationally.
Accept The Situation For What It Is
While you may occasionally deny how far backward your parents have regressed, this can unintentionally cause you to want to change things that can’t actually be changed. Try to accept that this is how life generally works.
Utilize the situation you have been given so that you can concentrate on the here and now and what is at stake rather than what might have been.
Talk To Their Doctor
If all else fails, get in touch with your parent’s doctor and express your concern for their health. The final person your parents will listen to for advice may be a medical professional.
Don’t Count On Them Changing
In the end, there might be nothing you can do to influence a parent’s decision. Remember that your parents are responsible adults with the ability to make their own decisions. Sometimes, it is best to respect your parents’ preferences.
Focus On The Benefits
The advantages of your suggested solution should always come first. For instance, if you see assisted living as the answer, emphasize the variety of social and recreational activities that these communities offer.
Ask Questions
Instead of talking to your parents, talk to them by involving them in the conversation. Begin by posing open-ended inquiries (e.g., Why don’t you want your cousin Mary to visit and prepare your meals?). In the best-case scenario, this strategy might help them consider their circumstances and decide that a change is truly necessary.
Final Thoughts
It can be difficult to provide care for elderly parents, but hopefully, these suggestions will help you be more equipped to handle the situation and maintain relationships with your loved ones.
